Rich, varied and tragic

To be invited to comment about the individuals who have volunteered themselves to be encased in a televised Orwellian construct is surely too good an opportunity to pass up? I enjoy taking part in the earnest validation of this pop-up community – as we ponder over who said what to whom and also if they are 'playing a game'. I put it to you that they are.

Peeking in on 'camera run' in 'the house' as it's called

An unexpected thrill came last week when I was invited to peer into the studio and comment on live action. Sadly I couldn’t spot any. Only a dead cat which turned out to be a grey sodden towel lying inert.

I learned of the untimely death of Mel Smith – when a BBC news chap called me up and asked me to comment. I wasn’t a close friend but I was a true fan and swung into action to offer my thoughts on 80 and 90s comedy. I auditioned for Mel once but decided that wasn’t in the public interest (I didn’t get it)

listen to ‘Helen Lederer remembers Mel Smith’

I was then invited to give my thoughts on LBC. Also BBC Breakfast TV news where you have to put an ear piece in and look thoroughly composed when it's your turn.  And then to Radio Five live. Tragically I left my phone at home and was in the pub when I realised I was supposed to be doing the interview. I’m sorry Mel. But I know you understand and RIP

So here’s to laughing...

Tributes to Mel Smith from BBC News

Cabaret Time

This is the quietest month ever. Even the geek next door is playing his questionable music at a lower pelt. What to do?
Take youth pills, get extra strong coffee, stay on the cross trainer for longer than 15 minutes. (A good sixteen - and I felt ready to tackle the walk to the car).

So having held a clothes sale in house – with a friend who can charge more than me and keep a straight face for a ‘well loved’ pashmina (with bobbles) - I agreed to pop on to that sofa at Breakfast TV to talk about ANOTHER finding from the government about drinking. This time saying two days off is good.
(The message was the same two weeks ago when I went on to say it then – but possibly some people didn’t see me say it .)

Anyway, I do love an early start i.e.  the prospect of sitting close to Charlie Stayt. I make one joke - My doctor asked me ‘Do you drink to excess?’ ‘No,’ I replied. ‘I drink to anything.’ (hilarious for 7.30 am).  This was met with a concerned tweet that I wasn't doing myself any favours. I beg to differ. A small remuneration in these hard times is better than a poke. I apologised to the worried tweeter and thanked her for her interest. Perhaps she’d like to come and see me in this? I’m branching in to psychometric testing as a comedic art form. I’d be glad of her (and your) feed back. Coming?

To book here's a link http://www.thehospitalclub.co.uk/events/view/24-02-12-standard-ticket-the-in-crowd-cabaret-with-david-mills or you can phone 020 7170 9100.

See you there!

Busy, busy

This was me in Dublin with two very nice clever funny presenters of The Daily Show.  I love Claire’s hair style. Someone said Jedwood. I beg to differ. Jedwood's hairs are completely vertical. You will see here the hairs have been contained close to the crown.

Quite a busy week ahead – I can’t be doing with anyone who is de-toxing right now. Please have a sense of decency and those in the ‘no raw after 4 brigade’ keep your healthy distance.

a flat spritzer never hurt anyone

Lucky for me the new rules on drinking from The Dept for Health have drawn me into the lime light as a coveted commentator - huge gratitude and general thankfulness - see my Huffington Post article. But just to be sure here are the basic rules again. Women should not regularly drink more than 2-3 units a day; (one glorious alcopop) and lucky men should not regularly drink more than 3-4 units a day (two cans of cider). Apparently the old rules were deemed unclear so lots of MPs assembled (over a nice glass of wine) to draw up some new rules.

I’m sure I told you all about the last time I was on the BBC sofa (if you missed it The Guardian can enlighten you http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/oct/21/helen-lederer-my-greatest-mistake) so naturally anxious to get it just right.

Was on with a dashing doctor from Kings who sees a lot of liver damage in the young –so together we must strike a balance over liver damage and comfy drinking (lots in my case) then met twinkly MP Chris Bryant in the green room who assures me the glass size in the House of Commons is the same size as normal. I challenge him to give me the opportunity to see for myself. He offers. I accept in a heartbeat . No sooner do I get home I get a call from a gentleman at BBC World at One – he asks me to summarise the facts of the official advice and measurements with an humorous twist if you please. I dash off a piece in twenty mins and before I’ve got time to change out of my leisure pants and whip off my scrunchy I have to enter the tardis - sorry - radio car where I stumble over some statistics which they kept in and some jokes which they kept out. Never mind - drinking is a serious business - that’s why you have to keep at it.

But if I thought that was totally showbiz- how about this on Wednesday http://www.wellbeingofwomen.org.uk/support-us/national-wow-events/inspirational-women-of-the-year-awards/?menu=4c  I must boldly venture out in black dress to do an after dinner speech – someone dropped out. I wonder who it was? But hey, I’m rallying the Daily Mail Inspirational Women of the Year Awards. ‘As in previous years we expect this to be a wonderful, fun, glamorous event.’ Yeh - well they hadn’t asked me at that point had they, but will do my best not to wear the laddered penis-proofs – even though they hug the thighs nicely when one is clutching the plinth.

I am recording Pointless on TV - a quiz programme in the day time , where you MUST NOT SCORE.
I'll be on Big Brother’s Bit on the Side Thursday afternoon on  Channel 5. Must swot up On Celeb Big Bro.
THEN I will be doing this on Sunday 22nd Jan: http://funnywomen.com/we-will-be-here.php?e=111
No one dropped out for this - but I will be dropping in – hope they have nice crisps in the dressing rooms – so depressing to race down to the bar for one's own bespoke beverages and sundries – at my age.