Why The Fuss?

stop press

'A miracle of comic compression and control' - Tony Patrick,  The Times

UK Favourite, HELEN LEDERER, is to return to the London stage to host two new shows called

 on May 9th and 6th June at the St James Theatre, 12 Palace Street, London, SW1E 5JA.

 In these new shows, Helen is determined to tease out the meaning of life with the help of an eminent guest and the undoubted intelligence of the audience.

She asks: What is happiness? Is there a point? What’s better, laughter or sex, and does anyone use side-plates anymore?

In an ideal world, such noteworthy heavyweights as Mary Beard, Jeremy Clarkson, Kevin McCloud, Chris Evans, Gareth Malone or Gok Wan will be joining her on stage. And if not. Helen promises to offer up someone else famous. Either way WTF? promises to be a pleasurable journey and one that Darwin would be sad to miss.

ST. JAMES THEATRE

12 Palace Street, London, SW1E 5JA

 The theatre is a 5 minute walk from Victoria tube station.

 T. 0844 264 2140   E. info@stjamestheatre.co.uk

 http://www.stjamestheatre.co.uk/events/helen-lederer-asks-wtf/

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION CONTACT MELANIE FALDO AT KEITH BISHOP ASSOCIATES 0207 734 9995 OR 07956 657227 melanie@keithbishopassociates.com

To book Helen’s show on either Thursday May 9th or Thursday June 6th go to: http://www.stjamestheatre.co.uk.

Wine Relief, Parties and Juicing

Of course one is more than thrilled to get the call - being asked to do anything for Comic Relief is something one secretly covets even though one doesn’t like to broadcast. As I did the first one in 1988 and haven’t been asked back except to ‘man’ the phones I was particularly chuffed. A kissing sketch with Hugh Grant perhaps? A spoof ‘Come Dine with Me’ with Miranda?

In fact I was asked to do a wine tasting for guests of Welsh chef, Richard Tasty Davies, for Comic Relief’s Great British Menu. If I can’t do comic, then I might as well do wine.

If one digs deep, a keen viewer of GBM might conclude that my wine teachings tends to stay within the Sauvignon Blanc range – but SB does go with everything apart from, maybe, jumping and yoga. 

The Welsh lad did good.

Sky news still seems keen to invite me over on a Sunday to review the papers for Sunrise. They used to put the newspaper in the car, so at 5 a.m. I’d be making myself car sick trying to ear mark four stories for the first slot, so as not to get told off by a frantic producer and still have time to get my hair teased into order. A stray sticky up hair can get a make up girl the sack, since rogue hairs in the morning is their responsibility.

Alarm! Last Sunday there were no papers in car. I didn’t get car sick but certainly got somewhat focussed in the green room with Stuart Miles as we threw papers around in a disorderly fashion. When time is of the essence, I’m ashamed to admit I find it easier to pick an animal or gender item instead of relishing the latest international fiscal outrage with an opinion on top. A twitter man this week said I was dull dull dull. On the plus side I wasn’t drunk.

Here are Stuart and I trying to look very bright and intelligent and tidy. There have been complaints from other guests that there’s nowhere to sit when we’re on, as we like to cover every possible space with newspapers. This Sunday we made an effort. Gratis Sky canteen Marmite bagels help us achieve this.

Picture: Dave Benett

Obviously it’s my duty to attend as many literary parties as possible so I can catch book envy from the other smarty pants and finish writing my novel. I seem a bit loved up at the Costa, so I must have been hiding my envy quite well. Hilary Mantel won this. But when I went along to the David Cohen Book Trust award party, I found Hilary there as well! I was so overawed by the attendees of high brow literati, such as Eleanor Bron in a sling (bandage not type of sarong) and a Very smart literary agent in a cream lace dress and shiny shoes, that I hadn’t realised the reason Hilary was making a speech was because she’d won that award as well. Blimey. Let’s hope Hilary will be at the next party. In fact I won’t go unless she’s there.

Hugely rewarding five days spent at the Obsidian Retreat.  In fact, pouring quality juices down one’s neck and being enchanted by two lovely life coaches to die for and finding very kind people everywhere one looked was a mini miracle. I was all sad and blue when I arrived and then went home very slightly tanned and optimistic. I think one could call this a result. I actually lost 8 pounds (flesh not cash) How do they do this to people? You’ll have to go. It changed me and I’m a stubborn old git. I love the juices. Here's a pic of what we could have.

A good tip I learned is to be thankful. You can be thankful for your bed or your mobile phone or your curtains – no one minds. I’m thankful for this blog. And thank you for reading it.

The sudden and involuntary exposure of my thighs...

Have not engaged in too much chitty chat on Splash – apart from mentioning to the very wise and adroit Richard Bacon on his show on BBC Radio 5 live...  www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p013h9xb …that all new reality TV formats are inevitably derided until they become part of the school curriculum - ‘Celebrity Naked Potholing’ is likely to get as much flack as diving when it airs. If it does.

 I also wrote this which was more swim wear based than diving tips http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2258768/Splash--Celebrity-diving-branded-new-low-TV--contestant-HELEN-LEDERER-regrets.html 

However the sudden and involuntary exposure of my thighs has lead to a few invitations...

Big Brother’s Bit on the Side has beckoned this Sunday:  I am looking forward to being the oldest person on the wacky green sofa who is not wearing a swimming costume. Tuesday, I will be commenting on that mother ship of all radio progs, Woman’s Hour  – always a joy and privilege . The subject is ‘Comfort Eating’ - am mystified why they came to me - could be the pic of moi mid-air in the swimming costume in the Mail that piqued interest?

Then Wednesday, it seems Alan Titchmarsh’s people (Alan Titchmarsh Show, ITV) have asked me to comment on the NTA. (National Television Awards – I checked.)  I will do my best. I tend not to go to awards events due to the amount of white rolls one can get through with one's melon balls (I can see why Woman’s Hour might want me on now.) And not being up for anything

And then, as if that isn't enough excitement, I'm debuting on the Simon Lederman Late Show, BBC London 94.9 that evening – at around 11pm. Apparently I can be political or lite - or litely political – depends what I've eaten that day …

Well, it certainly made a Splash!

Warning: Only read this if braced... Daily Mail Article

OMG it is today

Thank you for all those good luck wishes.  Need them...

Omid said it was okay to go public

Thinking of bribing Jo Brand tonight who is a judge but she has integrity .slightly annoying. 

Omid and I were on Radio Five Live this morning (just before the end around 8.50)
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01pqll0/Weekend_Breakfast_05_01_2013/

Tom Daley's Making A Splash

This  was a clip on daybreak featuring me being tipped into the pool on on nappy mat by Tom Daley. Listen.. It was the only way I could get to meet the man.

He does not disappoint. I might do though.

Tom Daley's making a splash!

Splash is a programme about diving .....and swimwear ...

This was in the Evening Standard ...

and check out Jade's pic to see I'm not the only one nervous...

http://twitter.com/JadeEwen/status/287221319177752576/photo/1

'Brave or insane?' people ask. I'm still asking myself...

OMIGOD I’M IN A REALITY TV PROGRAMME WHERE I HAVE TO DIVE

It’s Christmas. I’m in a shop. The mobile rings. Agent ‘Would I do a TV show?’ Me ‘Yes’. Agent ‘A reality TV show? ’ Me ‘If it's ‘Celebrity Mastermind’ how long do I get to think of a specialist subject?’ Agent ‘It’s not Celebrity Mastermind’ Me ‘So ...what do I have to do?’ Agent ‘Dive’ Me ‘Seriously -what do I have to do?’ Agent ‘Dive with Tom Daly. They need to know in the next hour’ I immediately felt depressed. Dive? I had to Dive? I rang back 59 minutes later and said ‘Yes’ in a sulky way.

Next day, I’m having a medical. The day after that I walk into a pool wearing an unsightly costume. We are asked to look skywards. The diving boards are built on a level parallel with the planet Uranus... (High) . From out of the clouds dives a young man. Tom Daly. Our mentor, our guide and all round smiley man in a whisp of a cossie. It’s even made the papers...

Hel wants rid of belly flop

  'No time for comedy' ... Helen Lederer

FUNNYGIRL Helen Lederer has admitted the secret behind her taking part in Splash! – she wants to tackle her middle-age bulge.

The comedy star is hoping the challenge, which has caused several sleepless nights and endless nerves, will help her lose a few pounds at the start of 2013.

 Helen said: “I try to do as little as possible, being the oldest. I walk slowly, I spend a lot of time in the loo hiding. I can’t even think about my old body walking up the stairs and taking off my dressing gown. But I’m hoping it might make me go off my food, which would be brilliant.”

The Absolutely Fabulous star added she was concerned that her dives may be more belly-flopping than jaw-dropping. But while she admitted she wasn’t in the show to win, the blonde insisted she wasn’t going to become the token comedy act.

Helen – who also confessed she takes comfort from being surrounded by hunks Jake Canuso and Olympic bronze medallist Tom Daley – said: “I know I’m not going to be good, so that’s not my journey. People do laugh when I say I am diving. Me and diving just don’t go together.

“While I’m well known for my comedy roles, there won’t be any time to bring comedy to this. I have to take each day as it comes, as there is no running away. The three-metre dive is everything to me, that was my mountain. That took an hour-and-a-bit. It was like a horse refusing to jump.”

 Read more:
 http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/4721644/splash-jade-ewen-tom-daley-joey-essex.html#ixzz2Gpl04OTB 

The Team Photo

My team is fab. I love them very much even though they are all better than me. While I’m mastering getting out the pool steps while trying to un - plug my cossie legs (yes my cossie has legs) the others seem to be running, jumping or doing three point turns in the air. Jake from TV Benidorm was born to dive and is my new boyfriend – I thought I’d tell him that on Saturday (as I will get chucked out then). Omid is fearless, funny and the nicest person to talk to in the water partic. when I'm sporting a mascara and snot malfunction, Jenny Falconer is superbly good at everything she does – and very knowledgeable thankfully, while sweet Jade is a really good singer with The Sugar Babes who I now like to cite as one of my top bands next to the Killers. Here are my achievements: I can now get out of the pool without tugging my cossie (tick). I can now dive off the one meter in a downwards direction with out bruising mostly double tick but that’s not good enough, I have to dive off the 3 meter and I can’t…!!! 

To do List: before Saturday Show.
Find several therapists who aren’t still away on a New Year away break.
Fashion my own banner for my supporters (3) to wave to demonstrate my huge following
Dive

 Would being in the ‘Big Brother House’ have been easier? Wouldn’t have needed quite so many blow - drys….