Friday, 19 October 2012

Sun Tan Grief

It’s fading. So keen am I to hang on to the last vestiges of being beige (in hue, not personality) I dash into a stand-up skin dying booth. Shock horror. I see my trainer in the reception area. We do the decent thing. We ignore each other. Me because I’m no longer training with him (or anyone) and him, I assume, because it’s a bit feeble to be seen tan topping when one is a big bloke.

Am wearing a talisman around neck (see pic) from Egypt to ward off bad omens and with this new vigour I have decide to up my income. My new approach thus far has been to beg for work on the internet. So far I have received three replies out of my 70 warm and friendly invitations to employ my versatile voice. These were to thank me for my interest but to share that I got their name wrong and also to mention, in passing, that they don’t make TV programmes that need voices any more. (Surely this has to be a lie?)

Undaunted, I am also selling my quirky, vintagey clothesies. A lady is taking photos of all my stuff. (Not undies – as if.) She lays my j brand velveteen jeans out on the wooden floor in an expert manner. ‘Are these clean?’ she asks sternly. ‘They most certainly are,’ I retort. And then secretly worry as I see her pick a fleck of something off the thigh …eew
No one was killed in the taking of this photo of my J brand jeans.
 Although it look as if they have been.
I want to sell my two antique French tables bought under duress so as not to disappoint the vulnerable antiques lady who was selling them. I phone up a new ‘old items’ shop in Dulwich to see if they want them. It seems that every yummy (not me as I am not yummy on purpose) mummy has tried to do the same thing and flog their faded, flecky, caravan fold-away camping item to said shop. The answer was a Scandinavian, stylish but firm ‘NO’.

Celebrity news? Was in Voice of Russia, St James Square, yesterday. Met the owner - a nice Russian man who was sporting a fisherman’s jumper (which didn’t surprise me) while Peter Hitchins plugged. 

Am mugging up on the news for SKY TV this Sunday  and  preparing for my STAND UP COMEDY APPEARANCE at THE ALBERT HALL where I am not headlining in any shape or form #Most Amused 28th November. Coming?

At 'Stand Up To Cancer' Gala last night
 wearing my mother's shoes.