went to a quick birthday celebration of a 21 year old and bought a phallic cake from Cox Cookies & Cake - Brewer St … since I was passing – the man who sold it to me wasn’t English –I could choose from a penis with brown icing as topping or a muscly arm .. He said ‘I used to have tits’ and I said ‘ah well you can’t have everything’ ... until I got out of the shop I realised he was talking about his cake topping collection .. And I thought I was being kind and tolerant as usual.

Blast from the past

blast from past! @SOTCAA: 'In One Ear' article by Barry Took, Radio Times, 30 November 1985 http://twitpic.com/5y4wye


excitement -found this on twitter -imagine my delight when I opened it to find a young looking team -for one moment I thought we had all re cast ourselves and we were doing a programme live… tonight …something about the lack of lines on face told me no ..it was an archive

I wish that will happen with absolutely fabulous in September but will there be time for me to sew my own dresses which make me look as good as the other lasses?

Colonic Woman

I wrote (and did) this for Woman magazine recently - all in line of research fort he published written word and a free back sac and crack whatever that may be...

The Flyer for my Edinburgh Show

Yesterday's Film Première of Horrid Henry

Got dressed early (after tussling with my Edinburgh show writing which requires nightwear and anxiety) to attend the première at the BFI of Rich Aunt Ruby woops I mean the film Horrid Henry where I play Rich Aunt Ruby.

Used next door restaurant to have a pee first so I could concentrate on making splash on site without having to break off.

The lace bootees killed me as soon as I zipped them up in the bedroom – so feet throbbing by time I teetered onto red carpet... thankfully some attention was shown but I timed it wrong as stepped into the flashes of press at SAME TIME as the director – OH NO upstaging BY MISTAKE.

Not sure if I was supposed to be there at all in fact –but I greeted my public who were yelling at anyone in high heels to sign the poster.

Then the cast were asked to take a bow on stage but not me or the fine actres Siobhan Hayes who plays Henry's MOTHER who was also there but we took it on the chin. She did anyway.

My part was what we call in the business un petit demi cameo and I am most grateful.

The film is tops.

There is what Rebecca Front called a ‘press junket’ today – to which she is and I’m not invited - I’m pleased for her though -  No I am …

Horrid Henry

Thought you might like to see the movie trailer in case you haven't already!

Out 29th July

Am feeling the pinch of age

Today I have to attend a graduation of the 21 year old –who informs me she will be borrowing a mate's gown for the pics after he’s been ‘done’ - shocked – surely my baby should have her own? Then she’s ‘dashing’ to get to a pop festival straight after so I can’t tweak and fuss –Will simply have to find a bar then.

What to wear?

And double what to wear at the premiere of HORRID HENRY on Sunday at BFI South Bank.

Apparently Angelica Huston will attend - she loves the children - who will all be in the teens by now - smoking and what have you ... I play a rather Pink Rich Aunt Ruby –am waiting for the classical roles to thunder in after this of course…

Joan d’arc for one ….

Salut

Worrying that no one will buy tickets to this – as the space box office doesn’t seem to be opening till 3rd of august omigod - maybe I'm wrong ?

Ed fringe one is manned all the time by friendly Scottish people though
Edinburgh Fringe box office: 0131 2260000

Left my climbing boots in Wales- asked for them to be posted back – as I predict will have huge need of them in Oxford Street (all those pesky paving stones) – apparently they walked  (the boots)  - but my cagoule got sent back which will see me right in Groucho – the next time I pop in to be seen - black rainproof wear is the new Rebekar nee Wade in terms of dumbed down but self aware.

It could be that I’m spending too much time on my own –this is the cause of depression. But who will sit at my desk with me? They must be silent or a genius and don’t know any one who does that.

Recorded some webisodes yesterday of  Be in the Now (http://www.beinthenow.co.uk. - watch out for the new series though).  Jess Robinson (top actress) asked if I had a cleaner…this made me strangely reluctant.

It’s like asking David Cameron what is appropriate conversation? Eep (have just learnt the word eep)

Last day at boot camp

Last day at Welsh boot camp ('esgid'). Award Ceremony tonight for best learner. I will neither be presenting nor receiving.But I will be smelly. Wet Wipe Dependent. Have lost bath skill-set tools.

On with the Boot Camp

Still at Welsh boot camp! Task today quite random: skin a rabbit, pop out its down belows n wash it. I passed on supper.

We are on at the earlier time of 8.30 tonight.

• Freesat - 120
• Sky – 134

If you've missed any, you can find us on this link:
http://www.s4c.co.uk/clic/e_level2.shtml?series_id=498593276


or there's lots of pics on the S4Cariad Facebook page. You can follow them on Twitter @s4cariad - they tell you when they post more pics!

Made it to Tuesday!

Am not proud at being exposed as a liar and being feeble re not being tall enough to fit my bike and also raising myself a mere one inch from ground on tree climbing task (I know) I excelled at pizza dough rolling and the placing of vegetables (live in real time) on dough – I won the challenge because Melanie said something Italian sounding –as this is about learning Welsh I’m glad to be part of multi layered celebration of tongues. I’m rocking

Studying hard with Josie Darby

...and with Melanie Walters.

1st day

1st day at Celeb camp for learning Welsh. Extreme anxiety. Can't escape as it would look bad. First lesson puts me at bottom of memory ability but failed to capsize a corracle which is a plus. And in a teepee. Have to make my own fires. Whimper. Melanie helps. She has lived for 2years in a cabin. Lucky me.

cariad@iaith: love4language

Now you know who my fellow Welsh learners are. You can see how we are getting along tomorrow from 9pm.  I'm hoping I can manage a bit more than bore da by then.  We'll see.

• Freesat - 120
• Sky – 134

Imminent Departure

Oh, Oh. I forgot I meant to loose a stone before I join the Celebs in Wales to do the thing - in our individual tepees.

May be too late – am leaving in few hours and have just had a vegetarian Samosa in the Iceland car park without paying (the car park – you can get away with it).

Stress means I might have upset some kind professionals who are trying to help me – so at least that’s not a worry but a symptom of stress.

Saw Dick and Dom on Breakfast TV publishing themselves in Horrid Henry the film – bless
I’m in it too http://www.cinema.com/film/11746/horrid-henry-the-movie/cast.phtml but play RICH AUNT RUBY which might be of interest – although Rupert Murdoch and the red head are burying my good news today – fair enough

Have got excessive new wardrobe of glamping country casuals strewn across the floor for packing in bag.

I love it here will I love it there? Only if I take wet wipes.

Love4Language is on:
Sky: channel 134 or Freesat: channel 120 from Friday 8th July 20.25, then EVERY NIGHT Saturday 9th –Friday 15th July - http://www.s4c.co.uk/cariadatiaith/e_index.shtml

Regression

You know that thing where stress can inhibit your decision making abilities or rather ability to say NO? Well today I said ‘yes’ to a very nice team to film me 'regressing' –Since I already do that without being filmed - you’d think it would be pretty seamless wouldn’t you?

I was all set to explore who I might have been before I was me, but got so stressed that I wouldn’t be put in a trance and that my jeans are still the wrong height for reality TV and that I might look stupid (crazy or what) that I got 'Blocked'.

I tried. I got half way on my journey into the unconscious where I met a man in olden times who most probably could have been me – when I heard the cameraman rustle. I had got as far as visualising his shoes - then I heard the rustle and I started worrying about my Edinburgh show then worried if I should hand my nominal fee back for not being regressed sufficiently (I did. It was gracefully accepted.)

So basically whoever I was before – we’ll never know - but it may have been a man with grubby boots – or did I just see them in ALL SAINTS where all the boots looks if they have been muddied?

Thanks for listening off to book launch tonight- Daunt Books which I always want to call Gaunt books. I will be charming.

at last ! THE EMBARGO IS OVER - am prepping to be dropped into the Fforest Camp in Cilgerran in Pembrokeshire. (This is in Wales.) I may opt for driving there to be honest, in normal clothes - but it's still jungle meets … err ....?

Wales S4C are FILMING my every move - so must check which jeans I pack. i.e. over Tee shirts -no bum reveal.

It's like  ' Celebrity Big Brother' - with lessons . 4 hours studying of Welsh per day- using "an innovative language learning technique" possibly involving some kind of coercion - like being denied wine? - lets hope I don’t lark about or get my usual attention deficit.

But the very good news is you can watch me and other marvelous folk on: Sky: channel 134 or Freesat: channel 120 from Friday 8th July 20.25,  then EVERY NIGHT Saturday 9th -15th July REVEALING ALL which may (or not) be a thing of great beauty. Don’t forget to series link it
and -for total geek dexterity I’m going tweet - follow Twitter @HelenLederer  or join the select personnel on my  Facebook Page and blog. My highly trained team of techno carers and social workers   will enable this miracle. (big Pleeease to them).

And the OTHER CLEBS? I know!!! for sheer and understandable excitement see this link http://www.s4c.co.uk/cariadatiaith/e_index.shtml

This is me practising being 'in the zone' with Welsh writer Paul Burston

celebrity cariad@iaith:love4language

The cat's out of the bag and I can tell you now...

I'm one of eight celebrities going to the Fforest Camp in Cilgerran in Pembrokeshire, Wales for an intensive week of learning Welsh under the ever watchful cameras of S4C. I have to study four hours of Welsh per day using "an innovative language learning technique called 'TPR storytelling', a method developed in the USA which uses physical activities with the initial emphasis on developing understanding." -  ahhh! sounds exhausting.

You can watch me on:
Sky: channel 134 or Freesat: channel 120

The series starts with an introduction on Friday 8th July at 20.25. and then it's on nightly from Saturday 9th, I think, - showing an hour long programme of our success (and/or failures). Don’t forget to series link it!

And omg I’m going to try and tweet this!!! You know me... I'm not great at this technology stuff but I'm going to try so follow me on Twitter @HelenLederer  or join the select bunch on my seemingly little known Facebook Page (even I don't know about it - well don't understand it, anyway) and I might even manage a word or two here on my blog (dictated probably).

Want to know who's with me? You can see the before pics on this link http://www.s4c.co.uk/cariadatiaith/e_index.shtml

Lordeee knows what the after pics will look like.

Edinburgh Concerns

So at least if no turns up to my show  I have now been invited to turn up to two other people's shows to talk about my show as if I’ve only just remembered that I’m doing one while I’m up there.

So far I have been invited to Chat Masala with Hardeep Singh Kohli - Gilded Balloon Teviot, Friday 19 Aug 2pm (for your diary in case you are coming) and Scott Capuro on Sunday 21st Aug – same day as mine –so mustn’t get confused. Don’t know venue.

I will be giving, engaging and generous on these shows – but remain ruthless, blunt and cross on mine – apparently self effacing humour is so over for the older lady. Expect some violence.

This is what it says in the programme...

"UK comedy TV favourite, Helen Lederer returns to Edinburgh, the scene of many tears and much sex (in the 80s) with her show “An Evening with Helen Lederer”. The title does not lie.

"Helen is proud to offer an intimate reveal of life as a K list celebrity. She will start the evening with a joke. After that there will be no further gags, but there will be gin. She may share anecdotes about her charity appearances ('auditions' as her agent prefers to call them), she may chat about her recent appearance on ‘Celebrity DIY’ where Craig Philips gamely offered to 'fill her crack' – but there will be no innuendo. Questions about what it feels like to be comedy's supply-teacher may be rejected in favour of ones about hairdressers"

And this is where you can book –
‘An Evening with Helen Lederer’ 21st Aug, SpaceCabaret@54(Venue54)-Box Office 08455576309 boxoffice.cabaret@thespaceuk.com

In the words of Bob Geldof  ‘Pick up the phone!’ So I can say ‘Sorry, sold out’ to nasty people who will also be attending the festival.