The joys of radio are that all the people who act in radio plays are very nice - and also one has a laugh. I have not fathomed why this should be but it's true. I met some marvellous people in Manchester while doing the series Higher -where I play a woman who is long suffering and helpful (very similar to myself)
This series is funny and written by a real academic so there … tune in
Afternoon Drama - Higher - Series 4
'Return of the comedy series by Joyce Bryant about the worst university in the UK - ranked 132nd in the academic league tables.' Listen to the first episode - 'Clearing' - on iPlayer (available until 6th August)
Next episode is on Monday 6th August.
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Wednesday, 25 July 2012
Heavy work and sexual enlightenment
I made my speaking debut at the Saddleworth Women’s Institute where I discovered that - to a man - every one of these stalwart members had read ‘Fifty Shades of Gray’. And there was me thinking I was being gently racy. In fact more than fifty hands shot up when I enquired (somewhat cautiously) if they had read this book of enlightenment and I was pleased to be told the book is now two for one in Smiths including free galaxy should I be interested.
So that’s a book group worth popping along to next time I’m passing by the moors.
But this wasn’t just a one way learning curve. Since I had been rashly invited up to talk about myself, I mentioned my daughter had been filming with Alan Partridge (sorry Steve) in his new film ‘King of Soho’ where her part had been promoted from prostitute to actress (understandably very proud) and where she had to do – I quote - ‘girl on girl action’ as well as wear a merkin (not to be associated knowingly with Firkin but then why would you?)
However when I enquired of the avid lady readers of Saddleworth if any of them knew what a merkin was I was greeted with a less unanimous reaction. Typically some members kindly explained to the less informed what a merkin did – which, I was pleased to observe, clearly demonstrates how the spirit of the WI is alive if not throbbing up north. When it was spelled out that a merkin served as a coverer upper for the private hair dept one lady in the front became stumped for the rest of my talk. She kept saying to her neighbour in mystified tones “but why would you want to?”
More good news in the enlightenment dept. I was presented with a pair of teapot book-ends in china – thankfully didn’t have to travel to said country to receive
More excitement at the Huffington Post first birthday party where I got caught up in the hip tingling sounds of the Noisettes - a welcome awakening I can tell you. I star-spotted Ken Livingstone in a crumpled beige linen number and Peter Tatchell who I noted opted for dark and white clothing on this special occasion. I remained on water and yet still jiggled. I even participated in great conversations which I can still remember - another first.
And now to tackle the lanes with the circles on them – or rather not tackle since Boris will charge me if I go in them - but I’m not going to be cowed. I’m going about my business as usual in my Ford Escort - Olympian presence or no. The only difference now is a new awakening in the joys of sports wear and it’s going to grow...I have just spent a bit of extra on quality lined leggings – I can now boast a shortened rouched mini trouser length with a hidden aertex gusset that lets you BREATHE … no merkin required …
So that’s a book group worth popping along to next time I’m passing by the moors.
But this wasn’t just a one way learning curve. Since I had been rashly invited up to talk about myself, I mentioned my daughter had been filming with Alan Partridge (sorry Steve) in his new film ‘King of Soho’ where her part had been promoted from prostitute to actress (understandably very proud) and where she had to do – I quote - ‘girl on girl action’ as well as wear a merkin (not to be associated knowingly with Firkin but then why would you?)
However when I enquired of the avid lady readers of Saddleworth if any of them knew what a merkin was I was greeted with a less unanimous reaction. Typically some members kindly explained to the less informed what a merkin did – which, I was pleased to observe, clearly demonstrates how the spirit of the WI is alive if not throbbing up north. When it was spelled out that a merkin served as a coverer upper for the private hair dept one lady in the front became stumped for the rest of my talk. She kept saying to her neighbour in mystified tones “but why would you want to?”
More good news in the enlightenment dept. I was presented with a pair of teapot book-ends in china – thankfully didn’t have to travel to said country to receive
 |
| This is me finding my inner jiggle with an amazingly invigorating NOISETTE … |
And now to tackle the lanes with the circles on them – or rather not tackle since Boris will charge me if I go in them - but I’m not going to be cowed. I’m going about my business as usual in my Ford Escort - Olympian presence or no. The only difference now is a new awakening in the joys of sports wear and it’s going to grow...I have just spent a bit of extra on quality lined leggings – I can now boast a shortened rouched mini trouser length with a hidden aertex gusset that lets you BREATHE … no merkin required …
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
Party Time
I was a ‘plus one’ for the HARPER COLLINS summer party – being reliably informed this was THE ONE to go to. Indeed it was – as thus far have not been acquainted with any other invite with the words ‘Summer’ or ‘Party’
It was to be held in the Orangery and since my invitation went to the wrong house number (I think this was an accident, but who knows?) - I assumed it was the Orangery where I had already been lucky enough to attend a book launch and a wedding ie a Posh greenhouse in Holland Park. So I buy high wedge shoes. I meet my friend. I insert wedge shoes on both feet at door and we are welcomed with a tumbler of elderflower cordial. (We could have had champagne but I am temporally off sauce and my friend doesn’t drink). A kind waitress offered to walk me to the lavvy which was right, right and right again – understandably I needed help given mild dyslexia but mostly due to the wedge shoes.
When Diane timidly suggests the venue is smaller than last year, I say ‘Rubbish! This is The Orangery because I’ve been here before and anyway it says ‘Orangery’’. Suddenly it dawned on us that the kind folk with shy smiles and gestures of middle class hospitality were not in fact members of the Harper Collins literati –i.e. no soft linen sports jackets and pashminas. Dianne firmly said ‘This isn’t the right party’. We panic. We then learn there is another Orangery in Kensington Palace. I reinstate my flip flops in order to walk to the road and hail a taxi. Our taxi driver is dripping. Diane suggests he lie on the grass in the nude to cool off. He is polite. We now enter another Orangery - a hallowed party of proven wordsmiths, agents and others who have given their lives to the infrastructure of publishing and its testing demands. Did I say I am not drinking? (A temporary pause as I inch my way down to a normal size.) This means I can not slide into a alcohol fused banter where no one minds what one says because one looks glazed and benign. I am shocked to discover that for the first time in twenty years I am almost tongue tied. Had a good exchange with Nick Cohen – who sadly absented himself for a fag. And even though I had a catch up with Tracy Chevalier who has been fellow judge (darling), when I encountered Jonathon Lloyd (Curtis Brown literati and scribe) in a group he also left to circulate. My presence is causing a departure of guests – it’s now happened TWICE. I back out smiling. I walk past the mini-meringues without even stopping to pop one in bag.
I sail into a taxi still smiling. In my bed by 9.15 and ready for Jeremy Paxman. Next challenge the Saddleworth Women’s Institute without a bevvy - can it be done?
 |
| Quite high for a person used to wearing Scholl sandals or clogs and not a million miles from a cork notice board |
When Diane timidly suggests the venue is smaller than last year, I say ‘Rubbish! This is The Orangery because I’ve been here before and anyway it says ‘Orangery’’. Suddenly it dawned on us that the kind folk with shy smiles and gestures of middle class hospitality were not in fact members of the Harper Collins literati –i.e. no soft linen sports jackets and pashminas. Dianne firmly said ‘This isn’t the right party’. We panic. We then learn there is another Orangery in Kensington Palace. I reinstate my flip flops in order to walk to the road and hail a taxi. Our taxi driver is dripping. Diane suggests he lie on the grass in the nude to cool off. He is polite. We now enter another Orangery - a hallowed party of proven wordsmiths, agents and others who have given their lives to the infrastructure of publishing and its testing demands. Did I say I am not drinking? (A temporary pause as I inch my way down to a normal size.) This means I can not slide into a alcohol fused banter where no one minds what one says because one looks glazed and benign. I am shocked to discover that for the first time in twenty years I am almost tongue tied. Had a good exchange with Nick Cohen – who sadly absented himself for a fag. And even though I had a catch up with Tracy Chevalier who has been fellow judge (darling), when I encountered Jonathon Lloyd (Curtis Brown literati and scribe) in a group he also left to circulate. My presence is causing a departure of guests – it’s now happened TWICE. I back out smiling. I walk past the mini-meringues without even stopping to pop one in bag.
 |
| Pic taken by Diane J Connell. She consumed 7 meringues and 8 éclairs. Fifteen sweet units in all - but I suspect it was a bit more. |
I sail into a taxi still smiling. In my bed by 9.15 and ready for Jeremy Paxman. Next challenge the Saddleworth Women’s Institute without a bevvy - can it be done?
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Two festivals in search of an author
Just back from two festivals in Hay on Wye where the addled brain has been flossed by these gentlemen below
Rob Cowan,(journalist who shared my cab (£50) ) Gabriel Gbadamosi (brainy chair of my debate). Rob’s good looking mate, who is in the military, and I spoke on a platform seated on a very cosy chintz chair at HowTheLightGetsIn Festival (The title comes from Leonard Cohen but I didn’t know that and it didn’t stop me from attending).
The venue for the lovely event, Globe Hall, had an old pulpit at one end and filmed footage of the sea to look at on the side wall if one's mind dared to wander. Mine was firmly gripped into place as I had to offer views on ‘In an age of self publishing how essential is writing to individuality?’ among other punishing conundrums.
Then there was cider in huge great bottles that were handed over the bar top as if they were bottles of wine. 'All for moi?' I asked, before anyone could say ‘No they have to be shared you greedy old person’ and the afternoon tipped by in a rainy haze of other intelligent people watching.
The folk who turned out to my talk at the Hay Festival were consistently smiley with a lot of rain wear between them but at least there were a few questions – and not just about where I got my highlights done. I like to be interactive when it’s a small crowd and ask questions. One bright attendee suggested that ‘paedophile’ might be a suitable suggestion for a three syllable word which although correct, was a surprise. I thanked her and moved on. Always nice to get ‘input’ from the floor.
I have shifted a bit of merchandise – a few less copies of Finger Food left on Amazon now
Preparing for my WI talk somewhere in Manchester next. Wonder if I’ll get scones? I bloody hope so
Rob Cowan,(journalist who shared my cab (£50) ) Gabriel Gbadamosi (brainy chair of my debate). Rob’s good looking mate, who is in the military, and I spoke on a platform seated on a very cosy chintz chair at HowTheLightGetsIn Festival (The title comes from Leonard Cohen but I didn’t know that and it didn’t stop me from attending).
The venue for the lovely event, Globe Hall, had an old pulpit at one end and filmed footage of the sea to look at on the side wall if one's mind dared to wander. Mine was firmly gripped into place as I had to offer views on ‘In an age of self publishing how essential is writing to individuality?’ among other punishing conundrums.
Then there was cider in huge great bottles that were handed over the bar top as if they were bottles of wine. 'All for moi?' I asked, before anyone could say ‘No they have to be shared you greedy old person’ and the afternoon tipped by in a rainy haze of other intelligent people watching.
The folk who turned out to my talk at the Hay Festival were consistently smiley with a lot of rain wear between them but at least there were a few questions – and not just about where I got my highlights done. I like to be interactive when it’s a small crowd and ask questions. One bright attendee suggested that ‘paedophile’ might be a suitable suggestion for a three syllable word which although correct, was a surprise. I thanked her and moved on. Always nice to get ‘input’ from the floor.
 |
| This is me trying to look like Joanna Trollope at my book signing |
 |
| And this is me not looking like her at all |
 |
| A sign about a sign |
 |
| This is me with a young poet Luke Wright who has an ironic look about him - we are signalling something implied to be in keeping with the philosophy of ideas theme |
Preparing for my WI talk somewhere in Manchester next. Wonder if I’ll get scones? I bloody hope so
Sunday, 3 June 2012
Showbiz Week
Show biz week for me and my two black jackets – first some free loading at The Orange Prize for female fiction. I was a judge last year which justified my guiltless speed at making the beeline for waiters to fill up my Glass from VERY LARGE bottles of REAL champagne
I arrived with Paul Burston and Dianne Connell – both very talented writers. Dianne and I spilled champagne over Paul at different points of the party – giving him time to dry in between. Dianne smashed a glass and two women moved away. Horrified.
The winner’s novel by Madeline Miller was a ‘fusion of myth and a love story’ – which excites me – similar to last year’s winner The Tiger's Wife which I like to think is down to me personally. Although so far I haven’t been thanked.
After several refills I found that joining in other people's conversations was not necessarily the way to go. Well one conversation in particular – trouble is when squiffy, one's brain works faster than one's lips –so one is left stumbling over a sentence when one's brain has already left the room - and the party. You’d think I’d have learned that by now- but what makes life so exciting is that some lessons cannot be learned in a life time
GROUCHO QUIZ NIGHT
As documented - I own two black jackets - both are very similar in the sense they are both black but I wore the other one to the Grouch Quiz hosted by Stephen Fry. He rightly warned against the use of mobile phones – any table found transgressing was to be disqualified and very possibly black listed. For ever.
Victoria Wood answered most questions and what’s more they were correct. I answered the least. I was the eye candy I told them.
Next week I go to Hay on Wye. http://helenlederer.co.uk/Helen/Hay.html The HOWTHELIGHTGETSIN FESITVAL is very groovy apparently Web: www.iai.tv howthelightgetsin.org Twitter: @HTLGIFestival
I’m on Thursday 7 June 2.30 at the Globe Venue (MAYBE IM IN A BIG TEEPEE?) I will be on a panel discussing the role of the author and he similitude of the internet. It may not be the similitude but these are the types of words I may employ at different times – it being festival of philosophy and ideas.
Then on Saturday 9 June at 9 AM!!! so top spot timing wise as you can see - I will be having a chat with lovely poet and publisher, Kathryn Gray
http://www.parthianbooks.com/ twitter.com/parthianbooks …. All about ME ME ME Helen Lederer talks to Kathryn Gray, Saturday 9 June 2012, 9am • Venue: Llwyfan Cymru - Wales Stage 'The comedian, author of Coping with Helen Lederer and Single Minding discusses her new Quick Reads story - A Comedy of Ambition, Dreams, Treachery and Daytime Television' Event Website: http://www.hayfestival.com/
The winner’s novel by Madeline Miller was a ‘fusion of myth and a love story’ – which excites me – similar to last year’s winner The Tiger's Wife which I like to think is down to me personally. Although so far I haven’t been thanked.
After several refills I found that joining in other people's conversations was not necessarily the way to go. Well one conversation in particular – trouble is when squiffy, one's brain works faster than one's lips –so one is left stumbling over a sentence when one's brain has already left the room - and the party. You’d think I’d have learned that by now- but what makes life so exciting is that some lessons cannot be learned in a life time
GROUCHO QUIZ NIGHT
As documented - I own two black jackets - both are very similar in the sense they are both black but I wore the other one to the Grouch Quiz hosted by Stephen Fry. He rightly warned against the use of mobile phones – any table found transgressing was to be disqualified and very possibly black listed. For ever.
Next week I go to Hay on Wye. http://helenlederer.co.uk/Helen/Hay.html The HOWTHELIGHTGETSIN FESITVAL is very groovy apparently Web: www.iai.tv howthelightgetsin.org Twitter: @HTLGIFestival
I’m on Thursday 7 June 2.30 at the Globe Venue (MAYBE IM IN A BIG TEEPEE?) I will be on a panel discussing the role of the author and he similitude of the internet. It may not be the similitude but these are the types of words I may employ at different times – it being festival of philosophy and ideas.
Then on Saturday 9 June at 9 AM!!! so top spot timing wise as you can see - I will be having a chat with lovely poet and publisher, Kathryn Gray
http://www.parthianbooks.com/ twitter.com/parthianbooks …. All about ME ME ME Helen Lederer talks to Kathryn Gray, Saturday 9 June 2012, 9am • Venue: Llwyfan Cymru - Wales Stage 'The comedian, author of Coping with Helen Lederer and Single Minding discusses her new Quick Reads story - A Comedy of Ambition, Dreams, Treachery and Daytime Television' Event Website: http://www.hayfestival.com/
Saturday, 19 May 2012
Looking back at a bit of work – but there’s always HAY on WYE
Apparently ‘they’ are commissioning sitcoms – clearly not mine – so to comfort myself I was pleased to travel up to the all new ‘Media City’ in Manchester to be an actress for three days in a BBC Radio play called ‘Higher’.
What is the new BBC building like? Well, the same joke was offered by quite a few local user groups – it goes like this “Welcome to Stanstead”
The repetition made me feel that the actors might be suggesting the new building simulated an airport? But I couldn’t be sure. Certainly lime green chairs in the coffee bar area would not be out of place near an aircraft holding bay. I bumped into a nice welsh man – Alex Winters - who does Cbeebies and he told me there had been a piece of art set in the reception for a few weeks - but it had gone. Shame. I like a bit of art in an empty space. Because then you can say the space is there to set off the art - without the art the space is... well just very spacious in a pure sort of way. Pure except for the Pyrex barriers that garrotte you if you forget your BBC pass and sometimes if you don’t.
3 days of radio acting without line learning is my idea of bliss. I stayed in the hotel next door – the ‘Holiday Inn cum Groucho Club to host visiting guests on BBC Breakfast TV’ – Jon Cooper Clark joined my seating group and we made merry. He has a very wide vocabulary and I told him so.
Friday was spent in Cardiff visiting a heritage site. My Cadw guide had emailed ahead to suggest the wearing of sensible foot wear. I must have been boiling the kettle at that bit- as I appeared to be wearing my best stage wedge suede black ones. Found myself gamely walking over a deeply muddy field of bullocks and clambering over several complex built styles to get to a lovely castle with a man I’d only just met. Luckily I’m trained - I can change in lavatories, sing (badly) without any sheet music and deal with silences
I am getting very excited about appearing at The Hay Festival and the How the Light Gets In Festival.
My first turn is where I will join a discussion about this: ‘In an age of self publishing and writers' workshops, the idea that we all have a novel inside of us has become commonplace. But how essential is writing to individuality? Has the internet facilitated one of our most deep-rooted desires, or has it opened up the false hope of a readership, a performance without meaning?’ Wowsa!
Six Billion Authors in Seach of an Audience Thursday 7th June, 2.30pm, Globe Hall.
Caroline Smailes, Helen Lederer, Ewan Morrison, Scott Pack. Gabriel Gbadamosi chairs. Here's the event website: http://www.howthelightgetsin.org/
As long as I get to moan about agents, the media, and innuendo on panel games - I’m sure I’ll get a biscuit after.
The 2nd appearance is at the OTHER Hay Festival next door - talking about ‘Finger Food’ my book for ‘Quick Reads’ to Kathryn Gray
Helen Lederer talks to Kathryn Gray, Saturday 9 June 2012, 9am • Venue: Llwyfan Cymru - Wales Stage
'The comedian, author of Coping with Helen Lederer and Single Minding discusses her new Quick Reads story - A Comedy of Ambition, Dreams, Treachery and Daytime Television'
Event Website: http://www.hayfestival.com/
Then I get to hang about for three whole days – anyone know of any Hay on Wye –ish parties ? If so I will collect the boots back from the cleaners to bring with and network like crazy.
What is the new BBC building like? Well, the same joke was offered by quite a few local user groups – it goes like this “Welcome to Stanstead”
The repetition made me feel that the actors might be suggesting the new building simulated an airport? But I couldn’t be sure. Certainly lime green chairs in the coffee bar area would not be out of place near an aircraft holding bay. I bumped into a nice welsh man – Alex Winters - who does Cbeebies and he told me there had been a piece of art set in the reception for a few weeks - but it had gone. Shame. I like a bit of art in an empty space. Because then you can say the space is there to set off the art - without the art the space is... well just very spacious in a pure sort of way. Pure except for the Pyrex barriers that garrotte you if you forget your BBC pass and sometimes if you don’t.
3 days of radio acting without line learning is my idea of bliss. I stayed in the hotel next door – the ‘Holiday Inn cum Groucho Club to host visiting guests on BBC Breakfast TV’ – Jon Cooper Clark joined my seating group and we made merry. He has a very wide vocabulary and I told him so.
Friday was spent in Cardiff visiting a heritage site. My Cadw guide had emailed ahead to suggest the wearing of sensible foot wear. I must have been boiling the kettle at that bit- as I appeared to be wearing my best stage wedge suede black ones. Found myself gamely walking over a deeply muddy field of bullocks and clambering over several complex built styles to get to a lovely castle with a man I’d only just met. Luckily I’m trained - I can change in lavatories, sing (badly) without any sheet music and deal with silences
 |
| Me outside Old Beaupre Castle, not far from Cowbridge |
My first turn is where I will join a discussion about this: ‘In an age of self publishing and writers' workshops, the idea that we all have a novel inside of us has become commonplace. But how essential is writing to individuality? Has the internet facilitated one of our most deep-rooted desires, or has it opened up the false hope of a readership, a performance without meaning?’ Wowsa!
Six Billion Authors in Seach of an Audience Thursday 7th June, 2.30pm, Globe Hall.
Caroline Smailes, Helen Lederer, Ewan Morrison, Scott Pack. Gabriel Gbadamosi chairs. Here's the event website: http://www.howthelightgetsin.org/
As long as I get to moan about agents, the media, and innuendo on panel games - I’m sure I’ll get a biscuit after.
The 2nd appearance is at the OTHER Hay Festival next door - talking about ‘Finger Food’ my book for ‘Quick Reads’ to Kathryn Gray
Helen Lederer talks to Kathryn Gray, Saturday 9 June 2012, 9am • Venue: Llwyfan Cymru - Wales Stage
'The comedian, author of Coping with Helen Lederer and Single Minding discusses her new Quick Reads story - A Comedy of Ambition, Dreams, Treachery and Daytime Television'
Event Website: http://www.hayfestival.com/
Then I get to hang about for three whole days – anyone know of any Hay on Wye –ish parties ? If so I will collect the boots back from the cleaners to bring with and network like crazy.
Monday, 14 May 2012
Unusual
this is unusual - it's on
Channel 5, Tuesday at 8pm - the programme invited me to take part and so I
did -but filming it was quite hard - and then after a time, just as the big
brother contestants will tell you, I really did forget
the camera was there - I had a lot of gin in the evenings though - and what's
more I found me a cousin ! anyway I wrote this which
explains it
normal jocular service of wry veering on bitter sweet observations of
the shallow world of showbiz to be resumed I hope...
See
Helen Lederer in War Hero in my Family,
Channel 5, Tuesday 15th May, 8pm
'Helen not only found her grandfather to
have been a hero she found a cousin who survived Auschwitz and is
reunited with him.'
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