OMIGOD I’M IN A REALITY TV PROGRAMME WHERE I HAVE TO DIVE

It’s Christmas. I’m in a shop. The mobile rings. Agent ‘Would I do a TV show?’ Me ‘Yes’. Agent ‘A reality TV show? ’ Me ‘If it's ‘Celebrity Mastermind’ how long do I get to think of a specialist subject?’ Agent ‘It’s not Celebrity Mastermind’ Me ‘So ...what do I have to do?’ Agent ‘Dive’ Me ‘Seriously -what do I have to do?’ Agent ‘Dive with Tom Daly. They need to know in the next hour’ I immediately felt depressed. Dive? I had to Dive? I rang back 59 minutes later and said ‘Yes’ in a sulky way.

Next day, I’m having a medical. The day after that I walk into a pool wearing an unsightly costume. We are asked to look skywards. The diving boards are built on a level parallel with the planet Uranus... (High) . From out of the clouds dives a young man. Tom Daly. Our mentor, our guide and all round smiley man in a whisp of a cossie. It’s even made the papers...

Hel wants rid of belly flop

  'No time for comedy' ... Helen Lederer

FUNNYGIRL Helen Lederer has admitted the secret behind her taking part in Splash! – she wants to tackle her middle-age bulge.

The comedy star is hoping the challenge, which has caused several sleepless nights and endless nerves, will help her lose a few pounds at the start of 2013.

 Helen said: “I try to do as little as possible, being the oldest. I walk slowly, I spend a lot of time in the loo hiding. I can’t even think about my old body walking up the stairs and taking off my dressing gown. But I’m hoping it might make me go off my food, which would be brilliant.”

The Absolutely Fabulous star added she was concerned that her dives may be more belly-flopping than jaw-dropping. But while she admitted she wasn’t in the show to win, the blonde insisted she wasn’t going to become the token comedy act.

Helen – who also confessed she takes comfort from being surrounded by hunks Jake Canuso and Olympic bronze medallist Tom Daley – said: “I know I’m not going to be good, so that’s not my journey. People do laugh when I say I am diving. Me and diving just don’t go together.

“While I’m well known for my comedy roles, there won’t be any time to bring comedy to this. I have to take each day as it comes, as there is no running away. The three-metre dive is everything to me, that was my mountain. That took an hour-and-a-bit. It was like a horse refusing to jump.”

 Read more:
 http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/4721644/splash-jade-ewen-tom-daley-joey-essex.html#ixzz2Gpl04OTB 

The Team Photo

My team is fab. I love them very much even though they are all better than me. While I’m mastering getting out the pool steps while trying to un - plug my cossie legs (yes my cossie has legs) the others seem to be running, jumping or doing three point turns in the air. Jake from TV Benidorm was born to dive and is my new boyfriend – I thought I’d tell him that on Saturday (as I will get chucked out then). Omid is fearless, funny and the nicest person to talk to in the water partic. when I'm sporting a mascara and snot malfunction, Jenny Falconer is superbly good at everything she does – and very knowledgeable thankfully, while sweet Jade is a really good singer with The Sugar Babes who I now like to cite as one of my top bands next to the Killers. Here are my achievements: I can now get out of the pool without tugging my cossie (tick). I can now dive off the one meter in a downwards direction with out bruising mostly double tick but that’s not good enough, I have to dive off the 3 meter and I can’t…!!! 

To do List: before Saturday Show.
Find several therapists who aren’t still away on a New Year away break.
Fashion my own banner for my supporters (3) to wave to demonstrate my huge following
Dive

 Would being in the ‘Big Brother House’ have been easier? Wouldn’t have needed quite so many blow - drys….