Got up right early on sat to beaver across to Sky TV studios for the privilege of reviewing the papers.
However the lure and urgent need of mascara, foundation and socket line applied by a make up professional came first - leaving me with NO TIME to read the 4 stories I was expected to select and then review.
A very nice but anxious researcher hovered while my socket lines were addressed before offering (through only slightly clenched teeth) to choose the stories for me? Well I’d only just sat down and I wanted to choose my own stories thank you. The make up girl hovered with her sponge mid air – ‘Ok then you choose ‘em then,’ I reluctantly caved in – but not really wanting to do the ‘Mousetrap on tour’ if I’m being truthful.
Worse to come – we were about to go on air – radio pack now firmly tucked in my pants by a scurrying radio person who seemed to be doubling up as an everything else person saying cheerily “what else can go wrong this morning” while I’m chasing the researcher for the photocopies of the selected stories she’d selected (she’d gone off with the top copies ) before I practically snatched two of them out of her hands and dashed off to the sofa.
A nice man journo from The Express Michael Booker mercifully was doing the papers as well and - having avoided all the shortbread in the green room I noticed unlike me - offered to bale me out should push come to shove. It did.
Michael did his first story (properly) and then the presenter turned to me and said “and what’s your view of the strike, Helen?” Well that hadn’t officially been my story had it - but I mustered a response ‘Yes definitely’ I said and waited for the subject to move on to the Mousetrap. It didn’t – The nice presenter swiftly moved to the story I hadn’t read since it hadn’t yet been photocopied about a son stealing money from his Mum to buy a house. I lamely said ‘well it's always a tricky one when a son steals from his mother isn’t it?” The stable and kind presenter did closure by saying ‘and of course there’s more info on that story that we haven’t time for…’
However for the second paper review slot me and Mike (I call him Mike now) cosied up to share views about the plethora of ‘perfect Christmas countdown chef instructions’ across all the red tops by varyingly rich TV chefs.
Mike was sure that in his office real men didn’t like to cook the turkey for more than two hours (controversial) – and as we continued to debate this topic in the studio together as a team I felt I had finally arrived
I do hope I’ll be asked back - I felt I brought something to the table…
Next week will be at the screening of the recent Ab Fab shows - unfortunately I have had my fringe cut too short – and it’s SO scary to attend anything glam with a short fringe – but nevertheless doable for free fiz.