We Are Most Amused: The Prince's Trust

The thing about working with all the comedy national treasures is that one can feel a bit sick the day before. And so this is a photo of me and some other comedy giants on the big dipper in Thorpe Park when I wasn’t feeling sick...

We were filming Happy Families written by Ben Elton, Dawn French,
Hugh Laurie, Jennifer Saunders and moi 

Ben Elton is now directing and writing sketches for this gig … http://goo.gl/9QDKv  I will be the only participant without my own TV series and while that is a distinguishing fact, I also used to run my own bespoke travel agency called Helen Travel (aged 10) which is another.

 Mission statement for the week? Keep boundaries firm and try not to annoy people.

We Are Most Amused, Wednesday 28th November, Royal Albert Hall, 7.15pm start
For Tickets: http://www.princes-trust.org.uk/support_us/events/we_are_most_amused_2012.aspx 

Omiword, I am doing this gig on Friday.

Luckily I wavered a fee in order to toy with the luxury of not being prepared and one hundred percent ‘impromptu’.  I met David Mills with Scott Capuro in Edinburgh and experienced their heady mix of humour when they asked me why I was wearing corrective shoes. I found this funny.

I may venture into experimental psychometric personality testing . Wonder if Jackie Mason's doing that?

http://www.thehospitalclub.com/events/view/24-02-12-dinner-ticket-the-in-crowd-cabaret-with-david-mills

CURRENT AFFAIRS
Last Wednesday I was tending my own computer screen when I got the call. It was from BBC Newsnight. I didn’t pick up. Then I was too tempted so I rang back. Would I come on and talk about how society is sick to its bones with drunk people and could I discuss this with a public heath authority …?

Earlier in the evening I drank 9 diet cokes with two female producers who are taking me to Prague for a big dramatic TV programme that I can’t talk about yet (partly because we haven’t gone yet and there isn’t much to report). I drove to TV centre. Lee from the Blockheads hopped in to act as human sat nav kindly.

This photo was taken in the make up room:

https://twitter.com/#!/The_Blockheads/status/169902111545491456/photo/1

Lee has played music with Gavin’s musician wife. Gavin and Lee had a nice enthusiastic chat while I had my foundation put on and pondered the scare mongering and truthful drunkenness statistics versus unemployment figures and wondered would I in any way make a salient point.

Then I made my debut. Later I got tweeted by a man who observed it was like watching Katie Price. Not in bank balance – but in looks? Certainly. Well observed

So this Friday then, I maybe doing humorous psychometric testing? Coming?
You can get your tea there as well I’m told. 8pm

Cabaret Time

This is the quietest month ever. Even the geek next door is playing his questionable music at a lower pelt. What to do?
Take youth pills, get extra strong coffee, stay on the cross trainer for longer than 15 minutes. (A good sixteen - and I felt ready to tackle the walk to the car).

So having held a clothes sale in house – with a friend who can charge more than me and keep a straight face for a ‘well loved’ pashmina (with bobbles) - I agreed to pop on to that sofa at Breakfast TV to talk about ANOTHER finding from the government about drinking. This time saying two days off is good.
(The message was the same two weeks ago when I went on to say it then – but possibly some people didn’t see me say it .)

Anyway, I do love an early start i.e.  the prospect of sitting close to Charlie Stayt. I make one joke - My doctor asked me ‘Do you drink to excess?’ ‘No,’ I replied. ‘I drink to anything.’ (hilarious for 7.30 am).  This was met with a concerned tweet that I wasn't doing myself any favours. I beg to differ. A small remuneration in these hard times is better than a poke. I apologised to the worried tweeter and thanked her for her interest. Perhaps she’d like to come and see me in this? I’m branching in to psychometric testing as a comedic art form. I’d be glad of her (and your) feed back. Coming?

To book here's a link http://www.thehospitalclub.co.uk/events/view/24-02-12-standard-ticket-the-in-crowd-cabaret-with-david-mills or you can phone 020 7170 9100.

See you there!

Well I have opened – no – not my own body which hopefully remains closed – I have opened in the play – ‘The Killing of Sister George’ at the Arts Theatre http://www.artstheatrewestend.co.uk/events/

Opening in this play meant that a red carpet appeared from nowhere and for one night was placed in the foyer for people to step on as they entered (it was removed for leaving)

I might have one in my own hall for everyday – so lush is the feeling

Opening Night! photo:wooller.com

Interesting that visits to the lavatory go hand in hand with opening nights and also following nights - So best not have a carton of veggie soup from Prêt a Manger as a sensible comfort food idea – I have since learned. Veg soup and nerves do not a picnic make.

Brought matches to put in the shared dressing room Loo for digestive times like these – the matches were a birthday present – a big box which says ‘ keep calm’ . (Fat chance.) I also send my flat mate Belinda Lang out for such times. She is not only a brilliant actress – but most accommodating about my need for a private moment.

I will not read any reviews in case there is meanness about me as there often is
– I might direct their complaint to the director and say he made me do it in a funny accent - or I may not since I’d quiet like to work with him again. (He directed ‘Broken Glass’ which got 5 stars )

Bought an upholstered bra specially for doing the play – which inspired a back stage exchange between us actresses of a certain age revealing one of us who is now a double G… odd that the alphabet and bra size seem so incongruous… but the older you get the more you double your letters – pity we don't double our money -but hey – who said art was fiscally rewarding …?

So off to tonight’s performance - must line my stomach with greaseproof paper this time.

Coming?

All of this is true

Was asked by TIME OUT to cite my top film – the moment you’ve pick one – you think of loads more don’t you like ‘the wicker man’ with Edward Woodward –or ‘straw dogs’ if one is sticking with the hay theme

Omigod this week! two new jobs back to back –very exhausting trying to make new people like you – made one relaxed joke today about men and sperm that got a laugh – so maybe I’ve turned the corner

The ABFAB rehearsing week has been colourful... Baby Spice arrives – I luvs her I hold her hand for a long time – Lulu arrives –teeny, white trousers and gorgeous hair –amazingly calm and cheery for someone whose on that dancy dancy show as well - Lindsay Duncan amazing actress- and soooo normal so I start rabbiting on about clothes- and my gorgeous Jane Horrocks ( genius) who makes me talk about fabrics - And this is in the first ten minutes… don’t know if I’m coming or going

I’m going –cos I have to moonlight over to rehearse with more scarily good actresses for Killing of Sister George at The Arts Theatre – where we share the varying agendas of sexuality,  politics and minority groups….much coffee

Then a book launch - Isabel Wolff’s new book (www.Isabelwolff.com) Bought one. Free champagne and even more brainy people ..oh nooooo. Got drunk this time. A bright young woman asked to be taken away from me by her mother. I don’t blame her.


Time Out Article: http://www.timeout.com/london/feature/1529/100-best-comedy-movies
Killing of Sister George:5th to 29th October Box Office 0207 907 7092 Open Mon-Sun 9am to 8pm (excluding public holidays)

Comic Roots

From yesterday's Edinburgh Evening News ....

"Returning to her comic roots has set the comedian thinking. She still remembers that first visit, or rather one particular review..."

Here's the full article: http://edinburghnews.scotsman.com/features/Memory-can-play-funny-tricks.6816846.jp

Enjoy!

Not too much exciting news has happened so am making some of this up.

Ventured to Osterley –which is not a town in Austria but a TV studio to review paper for Sky news. – Might need to turn 60 before I get my own current affairs programme – Miriam Oreilly is my role model keeping my hopes alive.


Needing to learn my Edinburgh show so wonder if drawing pictures to remember points will help? Drawing pictures does not excite me as I will need 5000.


Am about to have a lesson on Facebook – as have a phobia about the layout – this is better than having phobia about breathing but only just.


The film Horrid Henry got a stinky review – am shocked and appalled .. Does the reviewer write for The Spectator?

Thankfully have put the right staples in my stapler – but have not managed to read ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ - couldn’t manage it – too scared.

Excitement reigns -the box office of the ACTUAL venue for my Edinburgh show is rumoured to be 'manned' today. Do call if inclined to test this out. Performing to chairs may be strengthening - on the other hand - if memory serves... but hey what's the worst that can happen? yeah I know... call

I went to the little Jermyn Street Theatre – and saw the musical of BEWITCHED, BOTHERED AND BEWILDERED. And may I say quality dancin singin and lightin….how DO people tap, sing and smile? NO IDEA. Sue Pollard was in the audience looking younger than me with impressively unusual clothes and I remember her doing that in ‘me and my girl’…we reminisced fondly until she told me that was 30 years ago. Nooooooo

went to a quick birthday celebration of a 21 year old and bought a phallic cake from Cox Cookies & Cake - Brewer St … since I was passing – the man who sold it to me wasn’t English –I could choose from a penis with brown icing as topping or a muscly arm .. He said ‘I used to have tits’ and I said ‘ah well you can’t have everything’ ... until I got out of the shop I realised he was talking about his cake topping collection .. And I thought I was being kind and tolerant as usual.

Blast from the past

blast from past! @SOTCAA: 'In One Ear' article by Barry Took, Radio Times, 30 November 1985 http://twitpic.com/5y4wye


excitement -found this on twitter -imagine my delight when I opened it to find a young looking team -for one moment I thought we had all re cast ourselves and we were doing a programme live… tonight …something about the lack of lines on face told me no ..it was an archive

I wish that will happen with absolutely fabulous in September but will there be time for me to sew my own dresses which make me look as good as the other lasses?

Edinburgh Concerns

So at least if no turns up to my show  I have now been invited to turn up to two other people's shows to talk about my show as if I’ve only just remembered that I’m doing one while I’m up there.

So far I have been invited to Chat Masala with Hardeep Singh Kohli - Gilded Balloon Teviot, Friday 19 Aug 2pm (for your diary in case you are coming) and Scott Capuro on Sunday 21st Aug – same day as mine –so mustn’t get confused. Don’t know venue.

I will be giving, engaging and generous on these shows – but remain ruthless, blunt and cross on mine – apparently self effacing humour is so over for the older lady. Expect some violence.

This is what it says in the programme...

"UK comedy TV favourite, Helen Lederer returns to Edinburgh, the scene of many tears and much sex (in the 80s) with her show “An Evening with Helen Lederer”. The title does not lie.

"Helen is proud to offer an intimate reveal of life as a K list celebrity. She will start the evening with a joke. After that there will be no further gags, but there will be gin. She may share anecdotes about her charity appearances ('auditions' as her agent prefers to call them), she may chat about her recent appearance on ‘Celebrity DIY’ where Craig Philips gamely offered to 'fill her crack' – but there will be no innuendo. Questions about what it feels like to be comedy's supply-teacher may be rejected in favour of ones about hairdressers"

And this is where you can book –
‘An Evening with Helen Lederer’ 21st Aug, SpaceCabaret@54(Venue54)-Box Office 08455576309 boxoffice.cabaret@thespaceuk.com

In the words of Bob Geldof  ‘Pick up the phone!’ So I can say ‘Sorry, sold out’ to nasty people who will also be attending the festival.