You had to be there

Bought in a flea market. yeah well…

Back from a Parador in Spain.  Paradors are posh, state-run suntraps for slightly older people.  Camped on a day bed which was not overlooked (except by seagulls who reluctantly allowed me to share their communal toilet area) and decided nudey sunbathing with no speaking to be the perfect antidote after mounting the wtf show, which I’m told will now find a place in Edinburgh! Gawd. The last time I took part in The Edinburgh festival I cried. But then, I always cry in Edinburgh, be it from a review or from thrush – it’s a toxic place - aw memory lane….

The Seagull

Just saw a bit of press about my show: I loved my two guests, Michael Crick and Mark Lawson, with a passion and found them to be two charming and dedicated individuals – so I do hope the attendant press coverage didn’t offend them. I am red from embarrassment. Witty and clever people like these make witty and clever conversations, visiting the joke format with repartee, complicit exaggeration, rhetoric, sarcasm, irony and brilliant humility - which is why I was so lucky to have Michael and Mark – any quote taken out of this context is ... Well it's like explaining to your granny that wearing a tee shirt stating ‘shit happens’ isn’t swearing – but some newspapers refuse to attend the same party.

Am choosing to see the off field coverage as a punctuation point about column inches rather than on site reportage (she said rhetorically)

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/londoners-diary/mark-lawson-and-michael-cricks-old-spat-comes-to-light-8652217.html

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/londoners-diary/michael-cricks-gaffe-loses-friends--and-influence-8649523.html

This says it in a far more accurate manner

http://www.stjamestheatre.co.uk/2013/06/a-review-of-helen-lederers-w-t-f/

PJs and Recovery Position

Am in recovery which is better than being in a ditch (or losing a diamond)

Did two trips up to Edinburgh this year: only a mad woman (or myself) would consider doing a try out show in Edinburgh with publicity when they had only done it once before…

You can see where I’m going I expect – well my first try out was at the Tabbard Theatre and very well it went – maybe it was the adrenalin or the fact it wasn’t Edinburgh with publicity, but I almost enjoyed it and if I forgot things (which I did) it didn’t seem to matter.

Fast forward to Edinburgh and imagine the scene. I’m in a cosy bunker – (great for some –like Kevin Orkian -v good ) it is full, there are not enough seats but chairs are being found (a bit like in a church hall) and my flip chart and screen (props I kind of need) can’t be seen by all the audience cos it’s not theatre and some people said they couldn’t hear.  Add to that there was a rather handsome pillar directly in front of me...

So er note to self -sort of have a look at the venue before you do show…on the other hand would that have stopped me? – we all love being asked to come up to Edinburgh don’t we? I patently did.

Anyway, my show was on late (and I must have been rambling) and my pal David Langham who was helping me had to hold up a note which said “wind up now!” Sadly, I couldn’t see said note without my glasses so had to put them on to read the note to tell me to get off…

So let’s hope my next appointment with comedy fares better –I’m actually doing it in a theatre!! Shock! Yes on 1st October at the Kenneth Moore Theatre –– info should be on their website soon.   At least there won’t be a pillar. Note to self – remember jokes.

On Stage at the Edinburgh Festival

Politics festival next: http://www.festivalofpolitics.org.uk/index.htm  Well, slightly smarting from a long mail of complaint received on my website about the Edinburgh gig ( I’d disappointed someone and I fear very possibly ruined his whole Edinburgh apparently due to my poor contribution) I ventured forth to see if I might disappoint any more folk but this time by looking into the role of satire within our political canvas.  Sure enough there was a cross gent in the audience in the Scottish parliament who expressed his right to be disappointed – I can only offer my sympathy – listen mate I'm disappointed,  we’re all Disappointed but we've got to carry on somehow.

I carried on. Stayed up to the wee hours with a nice professor Stephen Fielding and a funny writer Tim Telling which was the best bit

Am now in PJ’s on a writing binge. Did 12 hours yesterday - a record - am writing a novella for people with the reading age of 12 which is quite tricky to second guess –you can’t do too many three syllable words. Does than include consummate and consommé ?

Festival of Politics

This Saturday 27th August look out for:

In Defence of Politics: What is Comedy and Satire Doing to Our Politics?
Sat 27th August 18:30 – 19:30, Main Chamber, £6.00 (Concessions £3.50). Book in advance Does political comedy and satire undermine public support in democratic politics by constantly deriding politicians and under-playing the challenges of governing? Are comedians to some degree responsible for the existence of a large number of 'disaffected democrats'? Is there such a thing as 'civic comedy' and could it be funny? Should politicians spend more time reflecting on their responsibilities to the public and less time mocking politicians? This event explores these questions by bringing together a number of comedians, satirists and political scientists. On the panel: Comedienne Helen Lederer, Tim Telling of the Daily Mash, stand-up comic Matt Forde (invited) and Professor Steven Fielding of the University of Nottingham. http://www.festivalofpolitics.org.uk/day5.htm

Advanced Booking required for this event, I believe.

The festival of politics is on all week from Saturday 20th August through to Saturday 27th August with the main focus of events running from Thursday 25th.

Comedy Connections

http://www.whatsontv.co.uk/drama/tv-news/interviews/ronnie-corbett-comedys-in-my-soul/13522

Well who’d have thought it - came upon this missive where the great Ronnie Corbett reveals how he first saw the also great Miranda ‘assisting me!’ in Edinburgh. I like this turn of phrase – perhaps one day I may be of service back –am good with carrying, fetching, wiping surfaces and small acting parts.

If memory serves I was doing a play with live food on stage – (truth be told can remember as if yesterday – and the reviews) one of those where the idea was better than the execution – but a great opportunity to get drunk in various windows of opportunities in Edinburgh.


Naturally I’m not one to trawl through the internet in search of my name (that often) – however google does have it that I am ‘the supply teacher of comedy’ – which I think is a plus.

Not only am I doing hypnosis –I’m now seeing memory man –to lock the lines down for Edinburgh that I have never done before - is this wise? – perhaps I should do what the young call ‘riffing’ and not lock it down …just a bit of pressing quite hard?

Here's the link to book tickets: http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/evening-with-helen-lederer

Oven man not come back with new part yet - bereft -it's microwave city here.

Not too much exciting news has happened so am making some of this up.

Ventured to Osterley –which is not a town in Austria but a TV studio to review paper for Sky news. – Might need to turn 60 before I get my own current affairs programme – Miriam Oreilly is my role model keeping my hopes alive.


Needing to learn my Edinburgh show so wonder if drawing pictures to remember points will help? Drawing pictures does not excite me as I will need 5000.


Am about to have a lesson on Facebook – as have a phobia about the layout – this is better than having phobia about breathing but only just.


The film Horrid Henry got a stinky review – am shocked and appalled .. Does the reviewer write for The Spectator?

Thankfully have put the right staples in my stapler – but have not managed to read ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ - couldn’t manage it – too scared.

Excitement reigns -the box office of the ACTUAL venue for my Edinburgh show is rumoured to be 'manned' today. Do call if inclined to test this out. Performing to chairs may be strengthening - on the other hand - if memory serves... but hey what's the worst that can happen? yeah I know... call

Worrying that no one will buy tickets to this – as the space box office doesn’t seem to be opening till 3rd of august omigod - maybe I'm wrong ?

Ed fringe one is manned all the time by friendly Scottish people though
Edinburgh Fringe box office: 0131 2260000

Left my climbing boots in Wales- asked for them to be posted back – as I predict will have huge need of them in Oxford Street (all those pesky paving stones) – apparently they walked  (the boots)  - but my cagoule got sent back which will see me right in Groucho – the next time I pop in to be seen - black rainproof wear is the new Rebekar nee Wade in terms of dumbed down but self aware.

It could be that I’m spending too much time on my own –this is the cause of depression. But who will sit at my desk with me? They must be silent or a genius and don’t know any one who does that.

Recorded some webisodes yesterday of  Be in the Now (http://www.beinthenow.co.uk. - watch out for the new series though).  Jess Robinson (top actress) asked if I had a cleaner…this made me strangely reluctant.

It’s like asking David Cameron what is appropriate conversation? Eep (have just learnt the word eep)

Edinburgh Concerns

So at least if no turns up to my show  I have now been invited to turn up to two other people's shows to talk about my show as if I’ve only just remembered that I’m doing one while I’m up there.

So far I have been invited to Chat Masala with Hardeep Singh Kohli - Gilded Balloon Teviot, Friday 19 Aug 2pm (for your diary in case you are coming) and Scott Capuro on Sunday 21st Aug – same day as mine –so mustn’t get confused. Don’t know venue.

I will be giving, engaging and generous on these shows – but remain ruthless, blunt and cross on mine – apparently self effacing humour is so over for the older lady. Expect some violence.

This is what it says in the programme...

"UK comedy TV favourite, Helen Lederer returns to Edinburgh, the scene of many tears and much sex (in the 80s) with her show “An Evening with Helen Lederer”. The title does not lie.

"Helen is proud to offer an intimate reveal of life as a K list celebrity. She will start the evening with a joke. After that there will be no further gags, but there will be gin. She may share anecdotes about her charity appearances ('auditions' as her agent prefers to call them), she may chat about her recent appearance on ‘Celebrity DIY’ where Craig Philips gamely offered to 'fill her crack' – but there will be no innuendo. Questions about what it feels like to be comedy's supply-teacher may be rejected in favour of ones about hairdressers"

And this is where you can book –
‘An Evening with Helen Lederer’ 21st Aug, SpaceCabaret@54(Venue54)-Box Office 08455576309 boxoffice.cabaret@thespaceuk.com

In the words of Bob Geldof  ‘Pick up the phone!’ So I can say ‘Sorry, sold out’ to nasty people who will also be attending the festival.

Alarm Bells

You find me slightly downcast.

I said yes to doing an evening with … SHOW in Edinburgh where people can CHOOSE to come and see me. Or not. This means I must say something for at least an hour. I must also write, practice and learn it.

Tweeted a comedy GIANT, Richard Herring, who has been doing more try out gigs than hot baths – he is a swot.  I on the other hand am not. Could be the new hoodia pills I’ve been taking because no one will give me any thyroid pills. Makes me drive over humps aggressively and say Oh God when people elect to cross the road when I’m waiting in my car to do the same.

Before I worry about Bums on seats i.e. will they be facing the right way - I must go to Wales do a reality show. Seven days of sleeping with other people and sharing latrines. Jealous?

Went into Fenwick’s to buy some pyjamas – no purchase made – either figure hugging with rouched sleeves or massive Hessian stripes. Will have to fashion an old nightshirt with under leggings.



Helen is appearing in at the Edinburgh Festival 21st Aug at 9.45pm‘An Evening with Helen Lederer’ SpaceCabaret @ 54 (V54) - Carlton Hotel, Northbridge Tickets £15 & £12 (concessions) Box Office 08455576309 boxoffice.cabaret@thespaceuk.com

Drinks for High Jinks

Here are some highlights of the wine article this month - it IS a stretch sampling alcohol by the computer (as I still call it) - but it's also festive and keeps me in stamps for the month. When I don’t have a wine column deadline, my desk is littered with carrots, coke and kelp - a new pash which may increase my metabolism to make me ten stone (I'm really fat now so reaching just a bit fat would be a plus).  I am prepping for 'one night at Edinburgh Festival' and already fearing that thing where people look at me and will know I bought a Monsoon over shift shirt at the airport.  I just tried on a pair of jeans after three years of elasticated skirts in lace - £250 plus - I asked the girl to repeat the price. She did. I left.

"I’m not showing off or anything, but I’ve had an intense month! What’s more, I’m prepared to share some of the highs, namely the most stunning way to drink Tanqueray No. Ten… with a cute little elderflower liqueur. The cocktail I’m referencing is The 51, served at the rather super 51 Buckingham Gate, SW1E." Read full article...
From Living South